So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
