I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
