I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
