a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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