It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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