you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
