chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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