I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
