i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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