The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My cat gives me a boner
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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