if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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