My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
