Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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