areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
