honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
