I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
