A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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