Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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