awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
