yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize