big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
