pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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