hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
only if we run a train.
done.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
