i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
