And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
