Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
