I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have aggressive nipples.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
