i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
