the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
