Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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