i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
