White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
