well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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