Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize