why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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