how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
