I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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