Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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