my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
