hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
