Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
