I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
