I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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