i'm signing you up for texting rehab
from now on my penis is your penis
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
