i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
