i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
