3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
