Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
NoShamevember. You game?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
