When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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