genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
