dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
