My sheets look like a crime scene.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
