She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
