when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
