you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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