Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
