and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
