i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
