dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
