weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize