I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
