I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
