I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize