The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
