Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need a burrito and a hug.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize