Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
pop tarts are not kleenex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
