dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
