My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
