My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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