And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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