Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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