Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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