apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
