this beer tastes like vomit already
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize