i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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