Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
