y did u give ur computer a hand job?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
