i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize