The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
