I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
