After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
party gras won. party gras always wins.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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