Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
