He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
