watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i think i just lost a toe
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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