I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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